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| but hardly anyone seems to think so.
you want to play these games for the rest of your life? you'll end up like those messed up tv dramas, where thirty and forty year-old women [and men] do nothing but bitch about each other behind each other's backs. ..or even to their faces.
if you've decided who your friends are, fine.. but don't go making my life a living hell.
i loved you, for nothing.. and you've got to leave me alone now.
on another note, this is about to take a turn..
i know i say that i don't want anything right now, but sometimes i can't believe just how lonely i am. for many reasons, i guess..
too many people have been taken away from me the past eight months, for one thing..
for another.. who doesn't find themselves wanting to be loved?
i can't say that to just anyone, because certain people will tell me that i threw it all away.
but you know what? i don't regret a single choice i've made.
why can't i just meet someone who loves me for me? who doesn't try to change me, even though we'll both want to change for each other anyway? who will do ridiculous things with me? who appreciates me, and lets me show them how much i appreciate them? who holds me close, and doesn't let go? who would be my best friend, forever and always, for better or for worse?
i'll get over it for now, i guess.. staying single for at least a year or so will probably do me some good.
and you know what? there's nothing wrong with that. because i don't have to settle for less.
i don't have to settle for anyone.
i'm a weird and unique individual.. looking for someone who understands that.
and you know what? i'm not ashamed to say that looks don't matter to me.
sure, certain little things are nice i guess.. but your eyes and your smile would make me melt the most.
if you're good, kind, loving, do what you can to keep yourself healthy, and appreciate me? then i don't care if you don't have a six pack.. you don't need to impress me like that. you don't need all the money in the world, or a fancy car.
you need hugs and kisses, and eyes that say you love me.. and maybe even a naughty streak, now and then.
and maybe it'll take me forever.. or maybe i'll never find you.
but there's no harm in looking.
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| you decided to take away all that we had it's just like a break-up.. now isn't that sad? i lived and i died for you, couldn't you see? i gave you my heart and you just let me bleed
you listened to others, how could you believe? just cause i didn't wear my heart on my sleeve if you had asked, you'd have received the truth i should have just shouted it all from the roof
if you had known, the story would change it all would be different.. at least, that's your claim but we can't go back now, it's all in the past how could you let those good times be our last?
you took back your word, you clearly chose sides you left, and you ran, and you panicked, and lied so if what you learned that day made it all change.. how come over here, everything looks the same?
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| now? now we're supposed to have an "intervention"?
you know why? because you went and got everyone else involved, too. that's why.
i don't even fucking know all of the reasons i was mad in the first place anymore.
you treated us like crap.
we tried to fix it.
you still treated us like crap.
we tried to fix it.
you still fucking treated us like crap.
so we gave up..
and then you wanted to fix it.
so.. why did you wait until it was too late?
why did you go out of your way for him.. and never out of your way for us?
why did you ignore someone you'd known for four years, who you could have seen every weekend if you wanted to?
why was your primary form of response, even to a phone call, a text message?
why did you choose someone who knows nothing about you over someone who has known you for years? was it because he ran to you? was it because i didn't fucking talk to you the day before and the day of making my decision to leave him? was it because he came home for halloween, and i had no fucking way to get home? was it still because you were so attached to our relationship that you compared our break-up to your own parents' divorce? because honestly? that really makes you screwed up.
i don't want this anymore.
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| or maybe.. i really do still love you.
..or at least, the you i knew.. my you.
not this new you.
crap.
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| i can't be with you..
you're too old for me. you're too settled.
you're too sub-consciously looking to settle down even more..
you're five years ahead of me. i still need time to change and grow, and you've already finished, so how can you join me?
but how do i tell you..
you already miss me. you want it to be summer, so you can see me. you're planning on visiting me in the fall, since this school year's almost over.
you're perfect.. but not for me. not right now..
this isn't going to work..
so how do i tell you?
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